Structure vs Control
I’m 100% a planner. I love routines, knowing what to expect from my day, and being able to fit everything that needs to be done into a 24-hour period. I’m also very determined (and hardheaded lol). If I say I’m going to achieve something, I will do it, no matter how crazy the goal is. Sometimes I wonder if being determined is what made me a planner, or if being a planner just makes determination easier. Either way, they definitely complement each other. And although being on top of things sounds like a good thing, this eagerness to control every second of my routine became, at one point, a toxic relationship.
I used to want to check things off no matter what, to spend hours working out even when I was sick and my body needed rest, to skip meals because I couldn’t get exactly what I had planned, and to be more concerned with following a schedule than actually living. That’s when I realized something needed to change, and that structure and control are two very different things.
Trying to control your life and routine at all costs makes it inflexible. You have to do things because they’re on the plan, not because they make sense for the moment you’re in. And that’s where things start to crack. The problem is that life is unpredictable. Sometimes we get sick. Sometimes work is heavier than expected. Sometimes we’re just tired (not lazy, not unmotivated, just human). Things come up. And when your routine leaves zero room for that, it stops being supportive and starts feeling like a burden.
Being overly restrictive doesn’t just take the joy out of the process, it often stops the process altogether. Because when everything has to be done perfectly, burnout isn’t a possibility, it’s inevitable. And once you’re burned out, continuing feels impossible. That’s why control is never the answer. Control feeds the all-or-nothing mindset. If you can’t do it 100%, it suddenly feels like no effort is valid. And if you’re like me, you’ve lived there. You’ve pushed through when your body needed rest. You’ve skipped meals because they didn’t match the plan. You’ve chosen the schedule over your own well-being. And honestly? That makes sense. Structure and control look very similar, and they often get confused for each other. But they are not the same thing.
Structure is important. Structure helps you move forward. Structure gives you direction. Structure is what allows you to fit things into a busy life, to make space for what matters, to work toward a goal with intention. Especially when your schedule is full, structure can be incredibly supportive. Control, on the other hand, doesn’t allow flexibility. Structure does. Structure bends. Control snaps.
One of the biggest shifts for me was learning how to plan for the unplanned. Because while life is unpredictable, some forms of unpredictability are actually very predictable. Maybe you know that some workdays will drain you so much that cooking feels like too much. Maybe winter means more sick days and fewer trips to the gym. Maybe having kids means workouts will sometimes be interrupted, shortened, or moved to the living room. And in those moments, being flexible and adapting becomes non-negotiable.
Planning with flexibility means creating options, not rules. It means having backup plans that still move you forward. If I know I’ll be tired when I get home and won’t want to cook, I don’t rely on motivation, I rely on preparation. I keep freezer-friendly meals ready. Not “perfect” meals, not fancy ones, just nourishing options I know will still taste good weeks later. If I know getting to the gym won’t always be possible, I don’t quit training altogether, I keep simple at-home workouts ready. Ones I can do with minimal equipment, limited time, or even with a kid around. If I know some days won’t allow for a full workout, I don’t tell myself it’s not worth it, I keep 10-minute options available. Because consistency isn’t built on ideal days, it’s built on the messy ones. And even when you can’t predict the exact situation, planning for being off schedule is powerful. It keeps you moving without turning every detour into a dead end.
This is what supportive structure looks like. It doesn’t demand perfection. It adapts. It meets you where you are and helps you move forward from there. You don’t need more control over your life. You need a structure that respects it. Because real progress isn’t about forcing yourself to stick to a plan no matter the cost, it’s about building a plan that can carry you through real life, season after season. And when your routine works with you instead of against you, showing up stops feeling like a fight and starts feeling sustainable :)
